standingonmyneck | FOREST COVERED: IC CONTACT

[He continues to stare into the cup, trying to think of how to get things off his chest. He talks more than his other brothers about himself, but it's still hard to, you know, TALK. He supposes he can at least start things off on a positive note, of sorts.]

Uh, Ichimatsu is back. Um. Don't know if you heard.

[They were both doing stellar. She was never a talker to begin with, but she should say SOMETHING to start this.

Riye looked at her cup and managed a sip.

She regarded to what she finally heard from him. Already she felt like she froze. She was ashamed of it. So another long sip before finally getting herself back into shape.

Not about me.]

I know. I saw him the other day.

[...]

Have you been okay?

[Nice, you start off with a redundant and obvious question.]

[He looks out the window, unsure how to answer the question. He finally gives a non-committal sound as an answer. Mm.

A while passes before he can work up the words to talk again.]

I need... I need to make sense of something. Something that's been rolling around in my head for a bit. I... it's not going to make a lot of sense to you, I think, and I'm sorry, but I can't really talk with my brothers about it. I just... I need someone to understand our situation, and not just the basic look of it. Um... if that's okay, I mean.

[Another sip. Oh boy, the show never stopped. The show was on rerunning recap marathons with a new episode everyday at 8:30. Riye had to be used to this by now. But she had to admit, she couldn't predict the magnitude of each quake whenever the siblings spoke of their shenanigans.

But she came, and Levant deserved an ear. He really did.]

I've been given bits and pieces of things that shouldn't make sense in any realm of reality ever since I came here. It just happened to lead to us sitting in a coffeeshop in a tourist town for spirits. I still live.

What's on your mind?

[He fidgets. How does he begin this? Does he leap straight to himself? That would be confusing though... maybe he should start from the beginning.]

Uh... I'm going to start with a story first. I'll... I'll get where I'm going in a bit, but... yeah.

[He clears his throat nervously.]

So, ah... once, there was a cartoonist, named Fujio Akatsuka. He became a very popular cartoonist, with his comics becoming renowned throughout Japan. There were even popular trends and catchphrases people picked up from them! Eventually, he became an important figure to Japan itself, and people called him "Akatsuka-sensei."

[He looks at her, seeing if he's lost her or not.]

[Not yet, he hasn't. She just looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

Prepare yourself, Riye. You have a bad feeling but you already did this.]

I'm assuming the cartoonist story isn't some long winded metaphor, right?

[His eyes flit upwards in a silent acknowledgement, but he doesn't say verbally one way or the other.]

Among his work, one of the most popular of his creations was a strip about six young boys, all identical, all nearly impossible to tell apart. Since it was a gag comic, nothing was taken seriously; people could be violent to each other, or mean, and it was all in the name of exaggerated humor. People loved it.

One day, years later, Akatsuka-sensei died. Years after that, those sextuplets, in honor of their creator, wanted to bring their presence back to Japan, to remind people of his work. But they knew that the humor that worked in the Showa era didn't work in the twenty-first century. And they wanted to make sure they wouldn't just become side characters in their own work either; being completely identical only goes so far! So... they grew up. And became their own people. The humor was still on the mean side, but now the six were capable of carrying things more on their own.

But, of course, one of them had to become the "tsukkomi." The straight man. So one of them would react the way other people would to what people do. It's... it's a humor style. And so one sextuplet, somehow, gained that role.

[He turns the cup in his hands again.]

...but the fact was, one can only do so much in a situation like that. And so that sextuplet frequently found himself on the outside of the situation, horrified at his brothers, but also on the inside, working with them. Both wanting to be like them, but also wanting to be "normal." Without a community really supporting the latter, he ended up falling back into the former a lot. And this was fine -- in a world where actions didn't really have long term consequences.

[He looks down.]

Except briefly, one time, they did. Then inevitably went back to normal. And then that sextuplet joined his brothers in a place where consequences were even more important. And suddenly, that sextuplet realized the truth:

[His fists clench.]

That what's funny to people from a distance is horrifying in person. And how terrible he really was.

[He's quiet, for a while longer.]

That's... that's my story, I guess.

[The sounds of the cafe were all they heard for a few minutes. Riye looked in her cup. At her doughnut, before slightly shuffling it closer to Levant.

It was a chocolate glazed, it was his.

She wasn't hungry.]

[Okay, maybe not "minutes". Maybe a whole minute. It might've felt like a few hours.

It just always got worse about this. The world they came from was just...how much could someone take before it all sounded insultingly absurd?

Was it SO outlandish? Maybe it was. But then she remember just how they felt about death, how she plastered shade at Larix for not believing in consequences. How to process any of this, especially at her state? How to even process this in the first place? How to even BELIEVE--]

So, what I'm gathering is, or what I can make out: you and your siblings are a cartoonist's creation made from what was considered to be modern ideas of crude humor. But to appeal to the twenty-first century demographic, you all grew up and became caricatures based on tropes. Parodies of them. You were allowed to be individuals, but also not.

Now you all are here, you're faced from the effects of what some real world logic does.

[Did she...get it?]

[The worst part is that, being the "straight man," when she says it out loud, it really DOES sound absurd.]

Sort of. Except we've also got our own lives. So we're sort of a creation and sort of our own thing - look, I did say it wasn't going to make a bunch of sense!

[He puts his head in his hands.]

It's just... somehow I'm supposed to be the adult! But I also just want to be free to be whatever I want, and I...

[He sinks lower, his head now resting on his arms.]

I just... want to be a good person, but I don't know if I can actually do it.

[Okay so. Ignoring the stuff that sounded ludicrous. Something she felt she would judge if someone told her, and she should still judge.

But she couldn't. She couldn't find any reason to NOT believe him. After all, they were here. That was there. Larix thought death was normal and all of them were in denial of consequence.

But maybe, just maybe, Levant was?

She actually finished off her coffee, slowly. As if the sipping of the coffee was her coming to terms to what she heard. She understood why he came to her, because she listened. After all of this, she doubted people listened to them. At home, or here. No one told them NO, or YES.]

This place has no status quo. This place doesn't have a magic reset button. You can't pass Go, and collect two hundred dollars.

You sound like you're obviously sick of it.

When we met, you looked somber enough and asked yourself similar questions. If that's the kind of upbringing you had, and I actually could ask this to any of you, what's really stopping you right now?

[Well, what was stopping them? What was preventing any of them from changing, from becoming better people? From evolving?

Maybe when we're all together... ...we'll always be like this.

One thread pulled, unraveling an entire shirt.]

We six have always done everything together. Lived together. Conspired together. But we still never talk to each other. I...

[His voice chokes a bit as he thinks of what Ichimatsu told him -- about the family, leaving one by one.]

I'm afraid that if I try to become my own person any further, that if I allow the status quo to change, I'll destroy our family... and Akatsuka-sensei's creation.

Look, I'm not going to pretend I don't think the entire thing with Akatsuka is ridiculous. But I think you knew it would sound like that.

[She just. REALLY had to get it out of the way.]

But neither you or the rest of your kin have given me any real reason to doubt it. So I really can't.

So, with that said.

[She actually motioned a waitress to get her another cup of coffee. Riye didn't want her doughnut, but she really needed some coffee. Worn out and all.]

He sounds like...a dad in some way. Almost, but not quite, a surrogate. With that as a metaphor, look at it in this angle.

If your dad told you this is how he wanted you to be, no matter what you wanted, you could call that manipulation or control. You know, abuse. If being independent is what you really want, he can't touch you here.

If this guy was so hellbent on keeping the status quo, that can't happen here. Surely you've noticed those rules just don't work. No one is laughing when someone knocks you out cold. No one's in the audience laughing when your own humanity is poked at for the sake of crass humor. You're not tied to him, you don't have to be. If you really don't want to.

If any of you don't want to.

[Well of COURSE it sounded ridiculous. Being an "audience surrogate" has its benefits.

He's quiet for a while, before finally speaking.]

We owe Akatsuka-sensei a lot. But... but he isn't here anymore, and we are. Which means we have to forge our own paths forward.

[He looks down.]

...but is it better to stay in one place and stick together... or move forward and fall apart? I'm just... I'm not sure anymore.

[He rubs his face.]

...Ichimatsu told me something about what happened after I got my job and before I gave it up again. It... it scared me.

[It was easy to just tell him to fuck off and do his own thing. But she thought on it some more. Well, she owed it to him to look into it as hard as possible. Giving him all realistic angles before helping him with a decision. If he WAS asking for help on a decision on this. She couldn't claim she really wanted that kind of power over some 20-something year old men.]

So...let's look at either decision.

Sure, if you stay together, you could help the family more directly. But that could also impede your growth. Make you unhappy. Usually with family that sticks that close, even if one extension is unhappy, then somehow they all will be. You can just be right there as it happens, and you always know where they are most of the time.

If you separate, you could focus more on you and not on them. Maybe there's a lot of unknowns with it, but then you could always at least account for yourself. Though you maybe could offer a hand if anyone needs it, because you have more of a leg to stand on. It depends how much you yourself feel like you can or want to offer at that point.

Limiting yourself to two decisions isn't so black and white. I think either way could make you all fall apart or be closer. It all just depends on what you do with a decision like that.

So...what would make you flip flop your decision before?

[What DID make him flip flop?

Well, there was the power of comedy and the status quo, of course. Characters will be characters and whatnot. Iyami had said so himself. But somehow that didn't really feel satisfying.

So fear? But he hadn't really been AFRAID when the Invitational came up, just excited. Who WOULDN'T want to win the Invitational and have all their dreams come true? It was easier than WORKING your way out of NEETdom... except wait, he DID want to work his way out of NEETdom? Or didn't he?

He felt like he was missing something, somehow, something about himself that was mucking the works up. And if he didn't just want to be a character with no agency, there had to be something in common.]

Uh...

[...but that really confused look on his face should pretty much show that he's not sure what that thing in common IS.]

Maybe I'm just that easily persuaded? We're all shitty NEETs after all...

[And retreating right to the personal insults! Weird.]

[That sudden dead air between her words and his. The deader air afterwords.

This was all too much. There was just something, everything wrong with how this family functioned. No wonder everyone was all screwed up. She didn't know why she was included. That would be a good question.

Did Levant think she would have answers? Maybe some insight on that missing piece? If she weren't so tired emotionally and physically, she'd feel a little bit like there was some trust here.

But she was just stumped and confused. She wasn't so sure what to do. It wasn't like with Larix where his confusion led to incredibly infuriating painful sparkle words with hollow meaning. That set her right off.

This time it was genuine confusion.

What could she DO? This put her in a weird spot she didn't ask for.

But, there was that twinge in her. The twinge of feeling like she had no choice, she had to pull the effort now. Effort. A mean six letter word.]

Is that it? Did you suddenly accept that about yourself? Levant, you're not doing yourself any favors by going full circle on your ideals.

If you really don't want to stay that way forever, you really have to learn from your mistakes and make really tough decisions.

[Ease in Riye, not so harsh. No more coffee.]

It's easy to take the easy route, redundancy aside, its less effort. But if there's anything I had to learn too, nothing comes along easy. Life isn't that way, and it sucks that way. When you want something or when you screw up, the first step is owning it. If you really want the change, you have to work.

It doesn't sound like you want to sink into the same habits, but there's learning and there's making excuses. At least when you try to learn, any confusion or other mistakes is a steeping stone.

Edited 2016-06-25 21:20 (UTC)

I... I know that! It's just so hard! I mean, every time I think I'm getting somewhere, I keep getting drawn in by --

[He wants to be a serious person, but he keeps getting nicknames.

He tries to make a life plan, but gets accused of rising.

He finally starts moving forward in life, only to get drawn back into the NEET life.

By

Kuzu.

Levant just tried to pull the thread... but Kuzu was the one who shredded the sweater.

No... no, it can't just be that, can it? That's not fair! They're all pieces of shit, why should it matter if Kuzu...]

By...

[He grows quiet. It makes sense when he thinks about it. No matter how hard he tries, it all circles back to the same source.

He grows quiet again.]

..."Maybe if we stay together, we'll always be like this."

[Did something happen? Riye looked down on the floor to make sure nothing was on it that looked like an orb or pieces of it. D-don't want to repeat that kind of thing. She didn't SEE anything so...good.

Figure something out?

Maybe.

But I'm not sure I'm happy that I did.

[His knuckles turn a bit white around that coffee cup.]

It's... it's not right to blame others for your own problems, right? That's what shitty people do, right?

That, I can't really answer.

[In case if you didn't notice, Levant, hopefully you do now as she passed the doughnut a little closer.

She really was trying here, actually.]

If there's some anger, something you want to resolve or get off your chest, you might need to confront that person. Or people.

But you just need to remind yourself that these are to help you figure out why these problems exist, wherever the source is. You might not like it, or you may still be scared-

-But I think you owe it to yourself. At the very least, you worked hard to really differentiate yourself. Move forward.

[He watches the donut slide to him. He picks it up, turning it around a bit.]

...Time. I need more time, I think. And... the person I'm thinking of needs to be on the same page first. Then maybe...

[Then maybe he can confront him -- and finally really tell Kuzu the things he hasn't been able to tell him ever since they started becoming more distant.]

Uh... thank you.

[It's hard to tell whether he's thanking her for listening or for the donut he's biting into.]

[There was a very small nod. It was approval in some way. After all, this obviously wasn't easy for him to do.

But did he feel better? Mhm, she was sure he still felt hurt and lost.

There had to be something else, she just couldn't leave it like this.]

That's fair.

For what it's worth, I think you're on the right path to coming to terms with a lot of the crap you'd been dealt. I can't vouch for what kind of people you knew other than your siblings, but not many people can understand this kind of situation without living it themselves.

You each seem to have your problems caused by it, and at least, you seem to be thinking about it in the right way.

Edited 2016-06-27 02:42 (UTC)

D...do you think so? My brothers usually just accuse me of "rising" my self-awareness. It's not like I'm TRYING to...

FOREST COVERED: IC CONTACT

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