Daria Morgendorffer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
standingonmyneck) wrote2020-09-01 03:34 pm
standingonmyneck) wrote2020-09-01 03:34 pm
FOREST COVERED: IC CONTACT
"If this is a prank call, then hang up and know that someone is always watching. For all other calls, remain on the line to spout out your word vomit. You have thirty seconds."
[Mail | Physical | Voice]
[Mail | Physical | Voice]
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[She just. REALLY had to get it out of the way.]
But neither you or the rest of your kin have given me any real reason to doubt it. So I really can't.
So, with that said.
[She actually motioned a waitress to get her another cup of coffee. Riye didn't want her doughnut, but she really needed some coffee. Worn out and all.]
He sounds like...a dad in some way. Almost, but not quite, a surrogate. With that as a metaphor, look at it in this angle.
If your dad told you this is how he wanted you to be, no matter what you wanted, you could call that manipulation or control. You know, abuse. If being independent is what you really want, he can't touch you here.
If this guy was so hellbent on keeping the status quo, that can't happen here. Surely you've noticed those rules just don't work. No one is laughing when someone knocks you out cold. No one's in the audience laughing when your own humanity is poked at for the sake of crass humor. You're not tied to him, you don't have to be. If you really don't want to.
If any of you don't want to.
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He's quiet for a while, before finally speaking.]
We owe Akatsuka-sensei a lot. But... but he isn't here anymore, and we are. Which means we have to forge our own paths forward.
[He looks down.]
...but is it better to stay in one place and stick together... or move forward and fall apart? I'm just... I'm not sure anymore.
[He rubs his face.]
...Ichimatsu told me something about what happened after I got my job and before I gave it up again. It... it scared me.
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So...let's look at either decision.
Sure, if you stay together, you could help the family more directly. But that could also impede your growth. Make you unhappy. Usually with family that sticks that close, even if one extension is unhappy, then somehow they all will be. You can just be right there as it happens, and you always know where they are most of the time.
If you separate, you could focus more on you and not on them. Maybe there's a lot of unknowns with it, but then you could always at least account for yourself. Though you maybe could offer a hand if anyone needs it, because you have more of a leg to stand on. It depends how much you yourself feel like you can or want to offer at that point.
Limiting yourself to two decisions isn't so black and white. I think either way could make you all fall apart or be closer. It all just depends on what you do with a decision like that.
So...what would make you flip flop your decision before?
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Well, there was the power of comedy and the status quo, of course. Characters will be characters and whatnot. Iyami had said so himself. But somehow that didn't really feel satisfying.
So fear? But he hadn't really been AFRAID when the Invitational came up, just excited. Who WOULDN'T want to win the Invitational and have all their dreams come true? It was easier than WORKING your way out of NEETdom... except wait, he DID want to work his way out of NEETdom? Or didn't he?
He felt like he was missing something, somehow, something about himself that was mucking the works up. And if he didn't just want to be a character with no agency, there had to be something in common.]
Uh...
[...but that really confused look on his face should pretty much show that he's not sure what that thing in common IS.]
Maybe I'm just that easily persuaded? We're all shitty NEETs after all...
[And retreating right to the personal insults! Weird.]
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This was all too much. There was just something, everything wrong with how this family functioned. No wonder everyone was all screwed up. She didn't know why she was included. That would be a good question.
Did Levant think she would have answers? Maybe some insight on that missing piece? If she weren't so tired emotionally and physically, she'd feel a little bit like there was some trust here.
But she was just stumped and confused. She wasn't so sure what to do. It wasn't like with Larix where his confusion led to incredibly infuriating painful sparkle words with hollow meaning. That set her right off.
This time it was genuine confusion.
What could she DO? This put her in a weird spot she didn't ask for.
But, there was that twinge in her. The twinge of feeling like she had no choice, she had to pull the effort now. Effort. A mean six letter word.]
Is that it? Did you suddenly accept that about yourself? Levant, you're not doing yourself any favors by going full circle on your ideals.
If you really don't want to stay that way forever, you really have to learn from your mistakes and make really tough decisions.
[Ease in Riye, not so harsh. No more coffee.]
It's easy to take the easy route, redundancy aside, its less effort. But if there's anything I had to learn too, nothing comes along easy. Life isn't that way, and it sucks that way. When you want something or when you screw up, the first step is owning it. If you really want the change, you have to work.
It doesn't sound like you want to sink into the same habits, but there's learning and there's making excuses. At least when you try to learn, any confusion or other mistakes is a steeping stone.
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[He wants to be a serious person, but he keeps getting nicknames.
He tries to make a life plan, but gets accused of rising.
He finally starts moving forward in life, only to get drawn back into the NEET life.
By
Kuzu.
Levant just tried to pull the thread... but Kuzu was the one who shredded the sweater.
No... no, it can't just be that, can it? That's not fair! They're all pieces of shit, why should it matter if Kuzu...]
By...
[He grows quiet. It makes sense when he thinks about it. No matter how hard he tries, it all circles back to the same source.
He grows quiet again.]
..."Maybe if we stay together, we'll always be like this."
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Figure something out?
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But I'm not sure I'm happy that I did.
[His knuckles turn a bit white around that coffee cup.]
It's... it's not right to blame others for your own problems, right? That's what shitty people do, right?
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[In case if you didn't notice, Levant, hopefully you do now as she passed the doughnut a little closer.
She really was trying here, actually.]
If there's some anger, something you want to resolve or get off your chest, you might need to confront that person. Or people.
But you just need to remind yourself that these are to help you figure out why these problems exist, wherever the source is. You might not like it, or you may still be scared-
-But I think you owe it to yourself. At the very least, you worked hard to really differentiate yourself. Move forward.
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...Time. I need more time, I think. And... the person I'm thinking of needs to be on the same page first. Then maybe...
[Then maybe he can confront him -- and finally really tell Kuzu the things he hasn't been able to tell him ever since they started becoming more distant.]
Uh... thank you.
[It's hard to tell whether he's thanking her for listening or for the donut he's biting into.]
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But did he feel better? Mhm, she was sure he still felt hurt and lost.
There had to be something else, she just couldn't leave it like this.]
That's fair.
For what it's worth, I think you're on the right path to coming to terms with a lot of the crap you'd been dealt. I can't vouch for what kind of people you knew other than your siblings, but not many people can understand this kind of situation without living it themselves.
You each seem to have your problems caused by it, and at least, you seem to be thinking about it in the right way.
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