standingonmyneck | FOREST COVERED: IC CONTACT

[Okay so. Ignoring the stuff that sounded ludicrous. Something she felt she would judge if someone told her, and she should still judge.

But she couldn't. She couldn't find any reason to NOT believe him. After all, they were here. That was there. Larix thought death was normal and all of them were in denial of consequence.

But maybe, just maybe, Levant was?

She actually finished off her coffee, slowly. As if the sipping of the coffee was her coming to terms to what she heard. She understood why he came to her, because she listened. After all of this, she doubted people listened to them. At home, or here. No one told them NO, or YES.]

This place has no status quo. This place doesn't have a magic reset button. You can't pass Go, and collect two hundred dollars.

You sound like you're obviously sick of it.

When we met, you looked somber enough and asked yourself similar questions. If that's the kind of upbringing you had, and I actually could ask this to any of you, what's really stopping you right now?

[Well, what was stopping them? What was preventing any of them from changing, from becoming better people? From evolving?

Maybe when we're all together... ...we'll always be like this.

One thread pulled, unraveling an entire shirt.]

We six have always done everything together. Lived together. Conspired together. But we still never talk to each other. I...

[His voice chokes a bit as he thinks of what Ichimatsu told him -- about the family, leaving one by one.]

I'm afraid that if I try to become my own person any further, that if I allow the status quo to change, I'll destroy our family... and Akatsuka-sensei's creation.

[...Ah.]

Wouldn't you say trying to not think about it is the same thing as thinking about it in a different context?

Look, I'm not going to pretend I don't think the entire thing with Akatsuka is ridiculous. But I think you knew it would sound like that.

[She just. REALLY had to get it out of the way.]

But neither you or the rest of your kin have given me any real reason to doubt it. So I really can't.

So, with that said.

[She actually motioned a waitress to get her another cup of coffee. Riye didn't want her doughnut, but she really needed some coffee. Worn out and all.]

He sounds like...a dad in some way. Almost, but not quite, a surrogate. With that as a metaphor, look at it in this angle.

If your dad told you this is how he wanted you to be, no matter what you wanted, you could call that manipulation or control. You know, abuse. If being independent is what you really want, he can't touch you here.

If this guy was so hellbent on keeping the status quo, that can't happen here. Surely you've noticed those rules just don't work. No one is laughing when someone knocks you out cold. No one's in the audience laughing when your own humanity is poked at for the sake of crass humor. You're not tied to him, you don't have to be. If you really don't want to.

If any of you don't want to.

[Well of COURSE it sounded ridiculous. Being an "audience surrogate" has its benefits.

He's quiet for a while, before finally speaking.]

We owe Akatsuka-sensei a lot. But... but he isn't here anymore, and we are. Which means we have to forge our own paths forward.

[He looks down.]

...but is it better to stay in one place and stick together... or move forward and fall apart? I'm just... I'm not sure anymore.

[He rubs his face.]

...Ichimatsu told me something about what happened after I got my job and before I gave it up again. It... it scared me.

[It was easy to just tell him to fuck off and do his own thing. But she thought on it some more. Well, she owed it to him to look into it as hard as possible. Giving him all realistic angles before helping him with a decision. If he WAS asking for help on a decision on this. She couldn't claim she really wanted that kind of power over some 20-something year old men.]

So...let's look at either decision.

Sure, if you stay together, you could help the family more directly. But that could also impede your growth. Make you unhappy. Usually with family that sticks that close, even if one extension is unhappy, then somehow they all will be. You can just be right there as it happens, and you always know where they are most of the time.

If you separate, you could focus more on you and not on them. Maybe there's a lot of unknowns with it, but then you could always at least account for yourself. Though you maybe could offer a hand if anyone needs it, because you have more of a leg to stand on. It depends how much you yourself feel like you can or want to offer at that point.

Limiting yourself to two decisions isn't so black and white. I think either way could make you all fall apart or be closer. It all just depends on what you do with a decision like that.

So...what would make you flip flop your decision before?

[What DID make him flip flop?

Well, there was the power of comedy and the status quo, of course. Characters will be characters and whatnot. Iyami had said so himself. But somehow that didn't really feel satisfying.

So fear? But he hadn't really been AFRAID when the Invitational came up, just excited. Who WOULDN'T want to win the Invitational and have all their dreams come true? It was easier than WORKING your way out of NEETdom... except wait, he DID want to work his way out of NEETdom? Or didn't he?

He felt like he was missing something, somehow, something about himself that was mucking the works up. And if he didn't just want to be a character with no agency, there had to be something in common.]

Uh...

[...but that really confused look on his face should pretty much show that he's not sure what that thing in common IS.]

Maybe I'm just that easily persuaded? We're all shitty NEETs after all...

[And retreating right to the personal insults! Weird.]

[That sudden dead air between her words and his. The deader air afterwords.

This was all too much. There was just something, everything wrong with how this family functioned. No wonder everyone was all screwed up. She didn't know why she was included. That would be a good question.

Did Levant think she would have answers? Maybe some insight on that missing piece? If she weren't so tired emotionally and physically, she'd feel a little bit like there was some trust here.

But she was just stumped and confused. She wasn't so sure what to do. It wasn't like with Larix where his confusion led to incredibly infuriating painful sparkle words with hollow meaning. That set her right off.

This time it was genuine confusion.

What could she DO? This put her in a weird spot she didn't ask for.

But, there was that twinge in her. The twinge of feeling like she had no choice, she had to pull the effort now. Effort. A mean six letter word.]

Is that it? Did you suddenly accept that about yourself? Levant, you're not doing yourself any favors by going full circle on your ideals.

If you really don't want to stay that way forever, you really have to learn from your mistakes and make really tough decisions.

[Ease in Riye, not so harsh. No more coffee.]

It's easy to take the easy route, redundancy aside, its less effort. But if there's anything I had to learn too, nothing comes along easy. Life isn't that way, and it sucks that way. When you want something or when you screw up, the first step is owning it. If you really want the change, you have to work.

It doesn't sound like you want to sink into the same habits, but there's learning and there's making excuses. At least when you try to learn, any confusion or other mistakes is a steeping stone.

Edited 2016-06-25 21:20 (UTC)

[Again, there was a long pause on her end. As she gave a small hum, she quickly glanced down at the ground before looking back up at Ryie]

...I guess so. I don't know, I just want my brother back.

I... I know that! It's just so hard! I mean, every time I think I'm getting somewhere, I keep getting drawn in by --

[He wants to be a serious person, but he keeps getting nicknames.

He tries to make a life plan, but gets accused of rising.

He finally starts moving forward in life, only to get drawn back into the NEET life.

By

Kuzu.

Levant just tried to pull the thread... but Kuzu was the one who shredded the sweater.

No... no, it can't just be that, can it? That's not fair! They're all pieces of shit, why should it matter if Kuzu...]

By...

[He grows quiet. It makes sense when he thinks about it. No matter how hard he tries, it all circles back to the same source.

He grows quiet again.]

..."Maybe if we stay together, we'll always be like this."

[Did something happen? Riye looked down on the floor to make sure nothing was on it that looked like an orb or pieces of it. D-don't want to repeat that kind of thing. She didn't SEE anything so...good.

Figure something out?

Maybe.

But I'm not sure I'm happy that I did.

[His knuckles turn a bit white around that coffee cup.]

It's... it's not right to blame others for your own problems, right? That's what shitty people do, right?

That, I can't really answer.

[In case if you didn't notice, Levant, hopefully you do now as she passed the doughnut a little closer.

She really was trying here, actually.]

If there's some anger, something you want to resolve or get off your chest, you might need to confront that person. Or people.

But you just need to remind yourself that these are to help you figure out why these problems exist, wherever the source is. You might not like it, or you may still be scared-

-But I think you owe it to yourself. At the very least, you worked hard to really differentiate yourself. Move forward.

[He watches the donut slide to him. He picks it up, turning it around a bit.]

...Time. I need more time, I think. And... the person I'm thinking of needs to be on the same page first. Then maybe...

[Then maybe he can confront him -- and finally really tell Kuzu the things he hasn't been able to tell him ever since they started becoming more distant.]

Uh... thank you.

[It's hard to tell whether he's thanking her for listening or for the donut he's biting into.]

[There was a very small nod. It was approval in some way. After all, this obviously wasn't easy for him to do.

But did he feel better? Mhm, she was sure he still felt hurt and lost.

There had to be something else, she just couldn't leave it like this.]

That's fair.

For what it's worth, I think you're on the right path to coming to terms with a lot of the crap you'd been dealt. I can't vouch for what kind of people you knew other than your siblings, but not many people can understand this kind of situation without living it themselves.

You each seem to have your problems caused by it, and at least, you seem to be thinking about it in the right way.

Edited 2016-06-27 02:42 (UTC)

D...do you think so? My brothers usually just accuse me of "rising" my self-awareness. It's not like I'm TRYING to...

[Abies remains completely impassive as Riye stares back at him. He takes his time waiting for any kind of other remark, some sort snide comment, but there's none. Looks like she really can't tell who's who yet.

He keeps his cool as he starts;]

What are you doing regarding Yotsuba-niisan, exactly?

[Immediately after this thread.]

Um, hi. I'm sorry if um...

Hi. It's Bb? I just...

I don't know if you know but your friend is here. He was really really hungry. Um, I'm sorry. I cold only afford a few snacks for him.

I think... He thinks you hate him? I don't know if you guys fell out. Sorry, it's none of my business really.

Um... Yeah. Sorry again if you already knew he was here.

- Bb

[Her brow suddenly flattened. That remark sent her way off. Something about it just sat inside her stomach and boiled.

How it was said. How it was thrown at her. Right off the bat. No other graces of pleasantries with it.

Immediately offended.]

What am I doing? Hanging out with him.

[A hand on her shoulder. It all came out. And now, Riye now had to deal with it. Because the reason why she was out here was because she wanted to.]

I know.

[....By damned, she actually did do it. It was that seriously apologetic girl. The one where she had a hard time trying to shove off to her better conscience and judgment.

After talking with him, she just wanted some space. From the whole thing for the day. She had to place it somewhere before she thought about it. Keeping it at arm's length, still being an extension of help to him before trying to fully repair it. On her end, she didn't think she knew how to repair it.

Which made it so hard. Which made this the hurting period, slightly going into healing.

And then this. She thought long and hard. She SHOULD say something, but she didn't really want to.

A dilemma.

I think... He thinks you hate him?

....]

Thanks for keeping your word, I guess. I know he's back already.

[She literally didn't know what else to say. She felt so angry again, but she was sure it actually wasn't directed at this person.

If it's not your business, why are you even ASKING?]

Okay, good. I hope you two are okay. Genuinely, she just wants everyone to be all right. For some reason, if they're not, it's her fault for sure. Hello codependency!]

[As she felt Ryie's hand, Alexis didn't know why. Suddenly, she bit her bottom lip trying her best just not to cry]

....A-And it just sucks since we're always together! It's not fair that he gets to go back home first and I don't! Weren't we suppose to stay together no matter what?!

How in the world could he just leave me behind? [It wasn't his fault, it never was. But sometimes, she sure wanted to put the blame on him]

[She wanted to leave it alone at that point, she did. She ran that one sentence in her head, over and over. It wasn't her business, so why did she get in the middle like she did? It wasn't right...and yet. There was just something about this that just begged her, bribed her, threatened her.]

He thinks I hate him?

When I mentioned someone was looking for him, he said not to bother telling them I'd found him. He seemed pretty sure they hated him now, but he wouldn't say why.

FOREST COVERED: IC CONTACT

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AYYYYYYYY - serious icons is hard for a comedy anime

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