Forest Covered: A Narration into A Cynical Girl's Breakdown (April 2nd -April 5th)

[standingonmyneck]

It was trying to go back. When she left Mal's room in somewhat of a defeated attitude, she tried her best to wrap her head around what she heard as opposed to what she felt. What happened to what didn't. Her brain tried to go back.

She didn't feel much like going anywhere in particular. There was the library she could visit, so she did. When she was finished there, she headed on over to the employee kitchen. She snagged a couple packs of chocolate poptarts and shoved them in her backpack, saving them for the session of writing she planned to do if only to keep her brain busy as opposed to actually completing something.

She walked down the still busy streets of Koriko, not realizing it was already reaching late hours. It was around 10PM, she should head back to the dorms for some sleep if tomorrow was going to be another day. A perk to her schedule this evening was the fact that she took advantage of the library after hours, but when she felt the slightest twinge of anxiety; she tried to go to the nest thing.

You're making it a big deal. Face it, none of this is new to you. You knew since you first walked here what this all meant for you. It has to feel the same, every day.

What if it didn't? What if it did? She remembered all of the discussions she had with other people. When Ichimatsu was around, Mabel, Frisk, all of those people no longer here and those that came or stayed around. It wasn't like they meant nothing. They most certainly did. Mal, Raiden, Chou...they MATTERED. But if tonight made her feel like anything, it was the fact that the idea of truest comfort...it felt so far away. Did she start getting comfortable? Did she really? Her friends she met here were people she could claim she cared about, but was it the same in how it gave her that feeling of safety? The feeling of exposing vulnerability in front of a particular person she could trust, and have it feel like she let out a sensitive side with no regrets.

Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't.

She continued walking slower down the streets, fifty million questions churning in her brain. This became her temporary home the moment she let her guard down. She let her guard down again, but not enough plenty of times.

But did it ever feel like a home in which she could bear waking up and going to work or whatever, if it meant she could go to a certain someone with no strings attached? Someone who could look at her and say, "Hey, I get you, you wanna just sit and talk it out? Maybe grab a slice?"

It's been an entire year since she really felt this kind of safety. Everyone seemed to have someone. Mal and Luna had their someone now. Kuzu lost all of his brothers, but they were here once. Once she was able to get a hold of their annoying escapades if it meant she could sit and talk with Ichimatsu. Or sit in silence. Now she watched his cat everyday. Kuzu was in his own world too, but she ironically kept watch of him anyway.

...Where was she? The wallflower outcast that dealt with things the same for her entire life. Then she met that one person that changed everything, it all led to that in the end of the day.

Jane...I need you.

Whenever there was a problem, they all sat and talked it out. The sat in the same space and they were inseparable. When Jane wasn't there, she found Mom. She had Tom.

Those people were not these people...with different lives and people of their own. People far away from her.

...

The townspeople of Koriko were bumping into her rudely, and before she knew it...she broke into a fast stride.

I hate this place. I hate this place!


I need to get away.

The stupid spirits. The stupid rules and the stupid job. The untrustworthy Witch. It all pounded into her head, all of the noises in which she couldn't stop. Fifty versions of herself, her logic and reasoning vs. her vulnerability. The people here on the street thought nothing of it as she headed further into a direction that just amount to going away.

The happened once before. When she felt the emotional baggage creep up, she once took the keys to a car and drove away from the house while her family watched. When I felt like I was always a burden. Maybe I am again.

She hated this more than anything she ever felt. But unlike then, she had a place she could still try going to. She had a vehicle in which she still had to keep a focus to what was happening. When Plan A didn't work, there was Plan B. Then, Plan B didn't even feel like Plan B...it felt perfect. She was able to speak to the one person who she trust the most, she was a phone call away.

None of that was here, and she burst into a jog. Into a direction in which Daria, in sane of mind and normal fortitude, would stop herself from going. Every other noise went black, every other image blurred and meant nothing.

Getting out was all that mattered.

----

She took a breath after a while, realizing she had probably ran farther than she ever had in her life. For a much longer period of time. Wherever she was, it was dark. She no longer heard the spirits or saw the lights, she only heard her breath and the sound of her heart.

So, where was she?

Her hand was placed on a cold tree, and it felt like she opened her eyes for the first time in way too long.

Because Daria, that one anti-social outcast, was now back.

And she was not liking what she was seeing.

She was in the forest. However far she had been running away, she ran into the first direction she found and then ended up in a place you don't want to be.

"What have you done," she muttered to herself, the first words she said in so long and they were too herself. "...Riye, you idiot."

The woods were dark but she had to go back. Nothing good ever came from these woods, she knew that. But all she remembered doing was running. Nothing came to attack her, not yet.

"Okay, Riye...thinking, put that back on. Don't do anything else brash. It's dark, find shelter."

Talking to herself just to calm her nerves, she slowly walked the other way, knowing she couldn't have gone so far and deep. She wasn't running all NIGHT, or anything. She was no athlete. It wasn't long until she came to a small hut.

An abandoned supply shed? Used shed? Used guard post? Secret spot for unspeakable terrors? Nothing came out yet, but in the foliage there was definitely a small shed hanging out in the trees. It was the only option and shelter in comparison to anywhere else for the night.

She headed on over and opened the door. Definitely abandoned, as the dust spewed from the door the moment she opened it. After letting out a cough, that was all that was in the wooden shed. The flooring wasn't so cold, as it was made from old grass weaved into something that could be resembled as carpeting. An old shrine? It hadn't been used in forever, but it looks like it was used regularly once. It's all I have, or I could die right out here in the dark and no one would ever know.

She shut the door and took off the top of her work outfit. She always wore her tee that she earned back underneath for comfort. Using the top half, she made a makeshift rope and locked the shed from the inside. There were no windows, so she knew once she did this...it would be pitch black. But it was all she could do with one impulse she regretted and with little supplies.

Once secure, she laid down on the floor, head on her backpack as a pillow.

This shelter was probably the best she could do, but it didn't keep her from kicking herself mentally. Over and over.

Congrats Daria, you won the prize. The Humanitarian Award of Doing Something Completely Stupid and Left Field. You really did it this time.

Not that she had anyone out here to agree with her now, but she is sure anyone would think she screwed up just as bad as she did.

...

She took a breath in, trying her best to soothe her nerves. Taking in the air of the shed, the musty old air that finally reached her nostrils. All of the sudden, her nerves sank. The fact that all she heard were the crickets chirping, and her own thoughts demeaning her actions, was so odd. No ambience outside, no annoying customers, no noise at all. Just the smell of pine and must. The dust no longer bothered her nose, and the still air around her made her fortress seem familiar.

Yes. This is familiar...Very...

Her eyes began to drift off as her thoughts seemed to suddenly go away, the isolation putting her in a place of...peace. At least enough peace to try to get some sleep.

She began to drift off.